The self-love journey can be super challenging at times. It’s hard to unlearn untruths and start to really care for ourselves. As we begin to take steps to treat ourselves with softness, we strive towards shaking off the limits set by outward pressures. We become more confident in what makes us happy, and we start leading a shameless life. For me, that doesn’t mean walking down the street naked (although if that’s your thing, go for it!). It means not being embarrassed by the life I want to live. Every day I get more and more certain in my own self, and I’m loving every minute of it! If you are working on living a shameless life, here are some pointers that have helped me grow wonderfully shameless.
One of the greatest pressures on women is how we look, and specifically how we look for the men in our lives. We have been taught to look at our bodies with a very critical eye, which mostly convinces us to have shame that we don’t meet impossible beauty standards. And that’s an awful way to live. We need to actively relearn how to think about our bodies and strive toward acceptance. Every curve, every wrinkle, every blemish, is your glory. It can take a lot to look at yourself with softness and kindness; if you don’t know where to start, read our 4 Tips to Feel Confident Naked. The ultimate feel-good is when you truly love your body, and you deserve to be joyful in yourself.
Our society is a euro-centric, cis-centric, patriarchal nightmare. The “norm” is not necessarily a place that serves us, and we need to recognize that. We might not align with society’s goals, but we shouldn’t be ashamed of our desires. Whatever it is that excites us and makes us happy is completely normal to have in our lives, no matter what society says. When we cultivate self-acceptance and learn to follow our truth, we create a life filled with refreshed purpose and drive.
Shame is a deep feeling that we can carry around with us for years. And that can get really heavy. It’s not easy to shake off deep-rooted regret, especially on our own. Therapy has been a wonderful way for me to break through past traumas, and I have grown so much as a result. I stopped feeling bad about past me, past choices, and past situations, and instead learned to shift my perspective. If we break free from shame and guilt from the past, we can have a more confident and balanced present.
Do you make a practice of listening to your inner goddess? Sometimes the voice that should be our guiding light is blocked out by fear. To live a shameless life, take time to center and check in with yourself. Do you like doing a certain thing or does a particular routine make you feel empowered? If it does, ride with it. Don’t be afraid to do things that are fulfilling to you, even if it’s unexpected. And don’t be afraid to walk away from something if it’s not providing anything for you. Communicate with yourself to make decisions with conviction.
A personal goal like leading a shameless life can feel so far away. But as Barak Obama said, “Better is good.” I love that quote because it highlights that the little steps of progress mean something. You might find it difficult to be shameless, but you don’t have to shed all of your shame at once. It’s a journey that won’t be perfect, and will come with mistakes. Even if you’re not the best or not perfect, better is good. Better is progress.
What we do in our free time is what we spend our lives doing. Sometimes it can be easy to get caught up in what other people are doing, especially on social media. The impossible social media standards create a brain fog that sometimes makes us feel ashamed that we’re not influencer-level perfect. I know it’s easy to doom-scroll, but try unwinding by doing something that you enjoy. Don’t be ashamed that you are a perfectly imperfect human- social media isn’t real anyway. Exert and be happy in your own preferences in your life.
When you transition from not only accepting yourself but to celebrating yourself, you officially start a pattern of self-love and empowerment. Don’t be shameful of all that you’ve done. Reveling in your accomplishments is a great way to start living a shameless life- you are worthy of happiness. You are worthy of celebration. Whether that’s indulging in extra sleep or booking a boudoir session, you are worthy of a life you want to live.
As you’re working towards a shameless life, know that I’m cheering you on from the sidelines! I’d love for you to join the Boudoir by Ria community and be surrounded by womxn who are on their own journeys. We do a really good job of inspiring each other to keep going. You got this!